woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
