brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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