Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize