so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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