I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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