I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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