I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
