and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize