Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
