Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
