No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
