She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
