PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
