Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
there's paper in my vomit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
