i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
this hospital has no fireball
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
