guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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