I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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