he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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