thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
