Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
