1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
