End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
