So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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