i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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