At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
