this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize