Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize