I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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