was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
