trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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