there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
this will be a night to untag.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize