Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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