She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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