I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
