He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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