Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Who died my cat blue again?
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