there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
