I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
what day is it and did you see me today?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize