I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
