it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
