Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
