Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
