dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
