if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
