I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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