good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
