I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
