Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
