I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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