The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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