I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
