I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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