I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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