I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sex in the backyard? Check.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
