I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
