i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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