apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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