I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
