Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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