wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize