True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize