this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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