You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
