Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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