Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize