Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
