dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
