Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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