I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
