When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
