I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
