yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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