Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
