Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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