Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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