Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
