I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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