So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
