Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I look better un-naked...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
