I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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