11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
