'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
