Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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