Tell her she can't have a vagina
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We need to get me chipped asap
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
