My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
