you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
