Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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