I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
