my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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