So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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