my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
