he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
