The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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