I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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