the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
