Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
