cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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