He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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